Probably we are all dead and alive in our afterlife. Or tell me, when did being gentle and nice translate into affection? I am a confessed professional judge. I sometimes get so judgmental I forget my own masks. And today is not the day I apologize for being that. This is the day I adorn my judicial robes and call conjecture to the stand for cross-examination.
When traveling, you pass through towns and actually get tripped out at the fact that those are actually people’s hometowns. That they know every back road and street, the best vibandas to get affordable food and they have their favorite bodaboda guys. But you are and will remain a person just passing by. You will never and should never attach yourself to the city. Not until you actually live there. What has not been said remains untold, what has not been seen and heard remains unknown about the town!
But you can decide to call the town rogue, because of the hawkers flowing around. You can paint it ‘trashy and out of control’ because of a dumpsite you saw. You can label the people rowdy. After all the bodaboda guys were everywhere and traffic control nowhere. With your imagination, you can hypothesize the town. But the image you paint in your mind doesn’t define the town. Think about that for a moment…
Let’s start with all men are dogs. I always pray and hope for the day lust won’t last for long, and love will have the last laugh. It is a terrible thing, isn’t it? Looking at a woman and all you can see is pleasure. Which nurtures the thought of ‘hit and run’ or ‘eat and run’ is it? Terrible thing! But that doesn’t mean everybody is lusting after you that all men want is sex. ‘Call a boy a gentleman and watch his shoulders straighten’ This is the anatomy of a gentleman. Sometimes some of us just want to read the Bible and find someone to talk to about our feelings. So would you stop overrating your vagina and not attribute this kind of lazy thought to everyone. Yes, there are men who are cookie hunters but not all of us deserve to be locked up in that kind of prison. Erase this assumption.
There is a thin line between the unknown and death. Nobody has an idea of what’s on the other side. Maybe just a feeble imagination of numbness and dry tongues. Yet, even with life not fully lived my fear of death is fading away. I wonder what it is like. Will I go to heaven or hell or just sleep forever? Or maybe I will just reincarnate into a ghost? Or is it a painful odyssey, the kind of suffering you can’t wake up from? Lights out! Let’s call it confusion.
In this confusion, I meet this phrase ‘Everything happens for a reason’. That someone has cancer for a reason. Or you remember that time you were mugged or robbed there is a greater reason for it. Honestly, this ideology drives me nuts. Verily verily, I say unto you, you are not that important. You are not the center of gravity holding the earth together. That any alteration in your life is supposed to bring tornados and earthquakes to Earth. I can’t just comprehend why we carelessly drop this line, especially to people who are going through hell. The late Bob Collymore actually commented about this. How everybody was trying to bring positivity around his illness.
Take the loud silence. Mortality. The rhythmic-sounds in the deserted streets of our hearts. The kind that lays bare the shallowness of our conversations. The ticking bomb which withers your hope into a painful reality that is just about to explode. What can we say when people we make memories with, become memories? There is no good reason for death. Remember the dead and celebrate their lives. Tell us about the moments you had together. Confess how much you are going to miss them. But don’t you tell us they died because of a reason. Which better reason could this be? Reincarnate and become kings and queens? Maybe the only good reason they are dead is they don’t have to listen to this kind of crap. That’s why some people prefer to hold private funeral services. Kill this assumption!
Listen, not everybody who disagrees with you is wrong. I am a victim here, but not chronically ill. This is to the moral cops, the always right professors and scientists, the deputy Jesuses and the cholerics out there. I recently discovered how stupid and ignorant we look when we take this route. So apparently when they sit there silently, listening to us confidently spitting out our bullshit, they may not be actually agreeing with everything we say. It is just that we are so confident with our misconstrued fallacies that they just round off our ignorance to the nearest ‘can’t waste my words on this one’. I once witnessed this kind of alteration and for the first time I was embarrassed by my domineering self. It is as ugly as fart. Rise above this assumption!
Some people believe being in a relationship/friendship gives you the right to ownership of them. That people can’t get a life and you can access them whenever however you want. I tell you what you don’t have any constitutional or natural right to be loved. Especially if you are boring and have a low SQ (sarcasm Quotient), you have no right to drain people and demand their attention. Work on your sickness. If you can’t stand your level of boring to a point you need people’s attention, who are we to light up your world. It starts within. Suffocate this assumption!
Then, there is this. All eyes are on me. No darling! Both your eyes are on everybody. Independent minds are rare nowadays. The quest for public approval is surpassing the fun of discovering ourselves, the freedom of making mistakes and uncovering new paths. When will we stop filtering every aspect of our lives through people’s eyes and perceptions? I’ll tell you what my friends tell me. ‘Our world does not revolve around you Babito’. You are Babito in this statement.
Take a deep breath, dive deep into your life. Enjoy the many secrets, the so many stories you’re yet to explore. Admire the wonders of your life and learn how to live. Deep within your life, you can glide in any direction without fear of failing or being judged. This kind of life, so far from the ordinary life above, should be the wonderland of your dreams.