The author of this article is suffering from a rare condition, humorawesomenessatire, and as such this article does not in any way reflect the opinion and facts of a thinking human being and therefore you may not learn anything from this article. The author is just bitter that he is a living evidence that being tall does not guarantee him ladies. Hence, readers’ discretion is advised. If offended, kindly take it with the author, as Babithoughts will not be responsible for any heartbreak.
Few days after I confessed my inability to adult, one of the most overrated and ratified concept of white people caught up with me. Apparently, I turned a year older the other day. Before I even start explaining why I did not celebrate my birthday and how most of them have passed without me knowing, let’s put everything into context. First, I know I am weirdly and acutely tall and skinny as a starving skeleton. Reminding me of this is just a painful elaboration of the obvious. Furthermore, everybody needs to stop telling me how David Beckham and William Levy look like me. I already know that. Of course haters would disagree.
There is nothing so special about us tall people. As a matter of fact, I really think short men are kinda cute and awesome, and I really mean this. It has taken a lot of courage to admit this, but there you have it. The idea about Tall, dark and handsome is a scam, a big one. In fact ladies, you need to consider getting yourself a short tusomeone. They are like pets, they easily make you happy. Do you love teddy bears? Now imagine having a teddy bear that actually speaks. That is a short man for you. They are very economical. When you board a Matatu, you don’t need to pay for two seats. You just carry them on your lap, and nobody will notice or even care. Well, once in a while you may find them chilling inside your suitcase with an emoji face or drown in the shallow end of a pool, but that doesn’t compare to tall people problems.
You people have no idea how hugging girls is a problem to us. I’ve had to watch YouTube tutorials to save myself from the embarrassment of an attempted hug turned to stomach embrace. Well they have not worked so far but you get the point. Should I really mention about the online course I’m currently enrolled in, “The art of dating short girls”. Do you guy have any idea how having to choose whether to leave your head or feet out of the blanket feels like? Or the awkward feeling of meeting another tall person, you looking at them and whispering to yourself, ‘So I was not the only one infected’. Alafu this guy told me ati I have to go to Limuru to order a customized shoe or the countless number of guys confused about my “don’t touch my shoe” sense of fashion. My wardrobe has nothing to do with fashion. I’m just utterly tall thanks to my vertically concentrated hormones.
If you haven’t noticed by now, this pointless article is just a big excuse on why I don’t host birthday parties. And if any of you animals think it’s because I can’t afford it, well you’re absolutely correct. I can’t. I can’t afford all that attention directed to me, I’m already tall and exposed. As a matter of fact we have already agreed with my whimsical fiancée that our wedding will last for only twenty minutes long. And maybe I’ll chip in an extra two minutes, specifically for my favorite part of weddings. I’ll need the few minutes to perfect the moment, pending the success of my online course.