The image painted of Marriage is that of a wedding gown, a ring worn, honeymoon or a paper signed. Signed to pronounce a life commitment and for others, a convenience drawn back before even the ink dries. Till death do us part, they say, assuming no other lifetimes after mortality. If you take this at face value, the marriage whirlwind is probably going to sweep you off your feet.
Society today is telling off marriage as a vacation. You can get out of it whenever you want, especially for those who get on it while young. Not Soila’s and Curtis’ though. Theirs is an intentional union, brewed in love, and stirred in romance. Their own cave where the sun may set and they won’t have any fear of the darkness to come.
They met back in 2011 while still at Daystar University. Today, ‘The Wamalwas’ have built a case on why Godly, young blossoming marriages are not alien. Let’s meet them.
When did Your friendship turn romantic?
“We liked each other from the beginning but really wanted to take it slow because we wanted to be sure that we are getting into the relationship the right way. So we decided to start off as friends for about 4 months before we made it an official relationship“
Flowers, lunch and dinner dates, original poems and songs that serenade, apparently all these is alien to Christians. We have been accused of being romantically challenged and boring. This common stereotype implicates Christians in limiting marriage to a bible study or a prayer meeting. Solia and Curtis don’t agree.
“That stereotype is furthest from the truth. Being romantic is a personal character. It has nothing to do with your religion or faith. It is a character that you can develop and learn. The same way that there are unromantic Christians is the same way there are unromantic unbelievers. And the same way there are romantic Christians is the same way there are romantic unbelievers. It has nothing to do with one’s faith“
Marriage always ushers in a lot of responsibilities and changes. How have You coped with these changes?
“Adjusting to the other’s way of doing things was definitely a challenge. When you get married, you realize that whatever you have been doing your entire life, someone else does it the exact opposite. And at first, if you are not careful, you might begin to assume that they are wrong. So one must be ready for that mental shift”.
Looking back on some of the expectations you had before your marriage, how have they changed now?
“Some have changed, some were fulfilled. Some, we just stopped having the expectations. It’s important to understand that as Christian couples, the only expectations that should be strict are those that align with God’s word. As for the rest, you have to be flexible and you definitely have to communicate them and leave no room for assumptions”
What special role has your faith in God played in your marriage?
“Understanding the ways of God and developing a relationship with Him has definitely made us know how to treat each other. Realizing that God is the one in the center always brings things into perspective“
Have you had difficult times? How have these times affected your relationship with God and with each other?
“Our most difficult time was when we went through 3 miscarriages in a span of 7 months. It was difficult because we couldn’t identify the problem so that we fix it. It also happened so fast that by the time we were actually dealing with it, the damages were so deep“
“We, however, decided to trust God through it all inasmuch as we didn’t necessarily understand. It wasn’t always easy to pray or to believe that God had good plans for us but by His grace, we pulled through. There are things that we learned about God during that season that we absolutely treasure“
Their trust in God paid. As Lauren Daigle would say, God knows what tomorrow brings. And for Soila and Curtis, their tomorrow came this year full with the joys of spring. A son, Baby 4th.
“The gift of parenthood is a gift that you cannot sufficiently find the right words to explain. One must only experience it to fully understand it. For us, it is a testimony that God is good and His plans are good no matter what the situation on the ground looks like“
What are some of the things you do to keep your relationship growing?
“Always have moments of introspecting. Don’t just sit there and assume you are doing well in your relationship. Always plan for dates whereby you get to sit down and talk and introspect. Ensure that you don’t lose out on being friends before anything else“
Have you ever been through a time when you felt a void that needed to be filled by someone other than your spouse?
“Yes, but it is a deceptive feeling because it is based on assumptions. Your spouse doesn’t have everything you need. It’s impossible to be fully satisfied with one individual. Whatever your spouse cannot satisfy you with, go search it in God. When you try searching it in other people, you risk complicating the marriage and ultimately destroying it to the point of even losing out on what your spouse could offer in the first place“
Are both of you okay if either of you has more friends of the opposite gender (not necessarily mutual)?
“In our context, all of our friends are mutual friends. We don’t have a separate set of friends for her, and separate ones for me. So it has never been an issue for us“
What do you think about sex before marriage? Have society’s views on this changed since you were younger? Have your views changed?
“Oh boy, I knew there will be a question on sex. Lol. Sex before marriage is wrong. Not just because its a sin before God but even to those who indulge in it. Society has gravely underscored the power and purpose of sex and reduced it to merely an act of pleasure and procreation. So most people don’t really get to why its a sin“
“But the moment you begin to interrogate the spiritual repercussion you realize that God hates the sin not because it hurts Him in any way per se, but because it works against and to the disadvantage of those that engage in it. It is God’s love for people that makes him hate fornication because it works against the benefit of the very people that He loves”
Some marriages are “passionate,” some are “companionate”: which fits you?
“We think ours is ‘companissionate’ ? I mean, why pick one when you can have both, right?“
On Age and marriage. Would you propagate for a marriage where the lady is older than the man?
“As they say, age is simply nothing but a number. Maturity is the capacity to take responsibility. Nothing to do with the numbers. However, I would extend concern when the age is significantly large as this could be pointing into more serious underlying issues“
What is the trait about each other do you value most?
As for Soila towards Curtis, “I value his heart of service”
As for Curtis towards Soila, “I value her warm and cheerful spirit”
What do you as a couple have in common?
“We both love fried chicken skins. We both love eating the rough ends of a sausage. ? And both desire to see society full of marriages that flourish”
Who pays the bills?
“Both of us, but mostly Curtis“
What do you think are the guidelines for a successful marriage?
“Wow. This is such a long list. But to keep it brief, I would recommend that we put God first“
Both Soila and Curtis are Online content creators. Their’s is a love characterized by our mutual respect and friendship. They have designed how it sounds, looks, acts and shown. They are often courteous enough to share the architect of their friendship journey on their YouTube channel and Social media pages below.